What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

What! how could you do that?

What do you mean son?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Do you know what she said mum?

Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

My landlord just sold the house I’m renting from her. She included all fixtures, that I bought and installed. Does she have this right?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

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True - how I loved my mum!

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Why would an older small breed dog become obsessive about hygiene?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.